I've lived in a different world for the last month than I did before. When you think of your life after the birth of your child, you have expectations and ideas how your life will be, and you act accordingly. When Aiden died, all of that changed. My thoughts of "How young is too young to go to a baseball game?" or "How young is too young to do the LATE Ride?" or "I functioned on 4 hours of sleep in college, hopefully I can do it again." are replaced with a void. In many ways my life is the same as before we got preganant, but now, that life that seemed so full, has a gaping emptyness. Into this void flow thoughts about what might have been, what still might be, and what I want from my life as a whole.
When asked what I want to do with my life, my answer is that I want to be a husband and a father. That's what I am. But what I want as a profession or occupation, is something I've never been able to answer. I feel like I need to find the answer. I like my job, but I don't love it and some days it's tough to show up. I like the people I work with too. But it's a job, and doesn't look like it will be a career. The thing is, I'm not sure what I want to do. There are many things I enjoy doing, some of which I do well enough to make some money at, but I feel that I fall into the proverbial "Jack of all Trades, Master of None" category. I don't know... if you're aware of any jobs that require someone with a degree in Theater, 10+ years of Lighting experience, some photography skills, and some web-design experience, please let me know. Thanks.
Sat
15
Jan '05

Sean,
I feel for you in this very much. Have I ever planned on a career? For a long time my E-mail tagline was "Husband, Father, Bassist". And what I did to earn my paycheck was accounting. You have the right track on how you choose to define your life. But please do not let what you do for money become who you define yourself to be, unless that is who you do want to be. That's what I see as your mother's problem- not being able to see who she is as separate from what she did eight hours a day. That still leaves sixteen hours to be you.
The way the world works, you have to make money. And I can tell you from bitter experience, that finding the balance between who you are, who your wife is, and what the two of you want for yourselves (plural to indicate the couple as an entity, not what you want for your selves) is the hardest thing to get right.
You'll do fine, son. I pray that you find your direction and joy again. Hang on to Nicole, and keep working at the marriage, as you two have always done. Anything worth having, is worth fighting for, but even more, it's worth working for.
Love,
dad
Career, eh? I'll be 43 in a few months. I've been teaching for three years and believe I've finally found a career. I'm certain I've found something which I enjoy regardless of whether it's defined as a job or a career.
I'm an art teacher and would encourage you to take a look at education as a possibility.
Best of luck in all your decisions and please accept my condolences on the loss of your son.